In my inaugural episode, I speak with my brave and strong and loving mother. She talks about growing up in Eufaula, Alabama and how racism was woven into the fabric of her life. She discusses the journey of learning and unlearning and how she confronted the parts of herself that needed to evolve. I believe this is a conversation we need more of, and I know that it is an argument for the belief that without hope for change, activism and advocacy are pointless. Please tune in and leave your comments below.

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​Spanish Fort, Alabama. February 25, 2022 -- A Spanish Fort resident has challenged a children's book at the Spanish Fort Public Library because the book features characters who are a same-sex couple.  The challenge was an item on the agenda at the Spanish Fort Library Board Meeting on Monday, February 21, 2022 which I attended. When the Board (which is comprised of the Spanish Fort City Council) reached that point in the agenda, they left the room for an executive session, spent 15 minutes behind closed doors and returned to the pubic session. When they returned, they never mentioned the challenge again.

I have sent email correspondence to the entire Board several times this week, and have not had my questions addressed. Below is a copy of my correspondence. If you would like to lend a voice, please reach out to me at [email protected]. I will take any emails received with me to the City Council meeting on Monday, March 7 at 6:00 pm to deliver to the Board.

My email and letter to the Board on Tuesday, February 22, 2022:

Dear Council Members, 

I was in attendance yesterday at the board meeting for the Spanish Fort Public Library. The library serves the public, and I am a member of the community. My children have volunteered there during summers in high school, and one of my sons even helped paint the mural on the wall. I have volunteered to read my own children's book to local children and at one time, participated in the writer's group there. As someone who lives and has raised five children in the area, I am invested in the quality of services our town offers.

Yesterday, there was an item on the agenda about a book challenge that was discussed in a closed executive session and then not addressed again in the public forum. I have several questions about this.

1. Why was this discussed behind closed doors with no follow-up in the public forum?
2. What is being done in response to this book challenge?
3. Will this be addressed publicly at a time in the future?
4. Will the public be allowed input on the response to this book challenge?

I would appreciate a prompt response as I believe the longer this lingers and is unresolved, the bigger the issue becomes. Below is my response to this book being challenged. I believe the prudent and least disruptive response would be to inform the complainant that he/she is free to chose what he/she would like to read but is not free to make that decision for others. Removing a book from the library because you disagree with it or would like to pretend certain people do not exist would have wide ramifications. I urge you to do the right thing for ALL of your community members, not a select few. Please respond to the questions above promptly. 

My letter is copied below and attached to this email as well.

Elizabeth Denham
9425 Sweet Gum Court
Spanish Fort, Al 36527
 
 
Spanish Fort Library Council
7361 Spanish Fort Blvd
Spanish Fort, AL 36527
 
                                                                                                                   February 21, 2022
 
Dear Council Members:
 
I have been a member of the Spanish Fort community for the last ten years. We have raised our five children here, and two of my sons spent time during their summers in high school volunteering here. One of my sons even helped paint the mural that is on the wall. There are things I love about living here and things I struggle with. One of the biggest struggles I and my family have faced is the unwillingness of many members of our community to embrace those who are different from themselves.
 
I understand that someone has complained about a book in the children’s collection because it depicts a story about chickens owned by a couple who happens to be same sex. I have read the book in its entirety, and if a woman were substituted for one of the men, it would be like any other children’s book. There is nothing on it’s face that is inappropriate for anyone of any age. The issue lies wholly in the fact that there are two men in a normal, same sex relationship.
 
The problem with this complaint, while obvious to me and anyone who believes that all people deserve love, respect and representation, is not obvious to those who see the world through their own myopic and bigoted lenses and to those who feel that they have the right to force those views on everyone around them.
 
It is my strong view that if someone does not want to read a book depicting a same sex couple, then they should choose not to read it. But to deny my family the opportunity to read a book that represents someone like my son is to deny him the experience of seeing himself as a normal child who deserves love, who deserves storybooks that depict who he is and aspires to be and to believe that there is a place in the world for him. This is a form of cruelty that contributes to children feeling that they are not worthy, are not normal and are not loved. This kind of cruelty, which is rampant in our community, our churches and our schools should not be allowed in the public library which sets out to provide quality materials for all people.
 
The importance of representation in books like Mr. Watson’s Chickens cannot be overstated. It impacts children’s beliefs in themselves, the acceptance they feel in the community and the hope they have for the future. The depression and suicide rates for children in the LGBTQ community are staggering. Consider these statistics from a 2021 national survey conducted by the Trevor Project. And while reviewing, I challenge you to imagine your child in this group:
 

• 42% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth.
• 75% of LGBTQ youth reported that they had experienced discrimination based on their sexual orientation or gender identity at least once in their lifetime.
• 12% of white youth attempted suicide compared to 31% of Native/Indigenous youth, 21% of Black youth, 21% of multiracial youth, 18% of Latinx youth, and 12% of Asian/Pacific Islander youth.

Most importantly for the sake of this conversation is this statistic:

• LGBTQ youth who had access to spaces that affirmed their sexual orientation and gender identity reported lower rates of attempting suicide.

Aside from the objective evidence that supports an inclusive community, including in the library, those who are not inclusive should not be allowed to force their beliefs on the greater community. Once you begin to limit one thing because of an individual’s beliefs, where do you draw the line? And why is that belief more important than another’s? My child should never be denied access to life-affirming stories that improve his chances of feeling included, embraced and just plain normal as he walks through his life.
 
Additionally, a bigger issue is that, in cases like this, the only people sexualizing anything about this story or about the men depicted in the story are the adults reading the story. Elementary school-aged children are not sexualized beings. They take their cues from the adults. So, if the adults are upset, the children are taught to view this depiction as something that should be upsetting. Nothing has made me more frustrated than people who would connote this kind of sexualized conversation about my child when he was too young to understand it fully himself. No adult has the right to sexualize anyone’s child at a young age. Why does this respect seem to be abandoned for the LGBTQ community? They go through the same sexual maturation as any other child, and they deserve the right to mature without an adult forcing something upon them that they have not claimed.
 
Lastly, the world is a diverse and beautiful place filled with diverse and beautiful people. That is the lesson any child should be afforded. An individual and/or a community cannot close their eyes and pretend like those who are different from them do not exist. They should not be allowed to hide beautiful human beings in a corner or remove them entirely from participating in the same activities as anyone else – including reading books that represent them in their public libraries.
 
I implore you to start from a place of love and empathy. Imagine how your children would feel if they never saw someone who looked like them depicted in stories. We are not called in life merely to be tolerant of others, but to embrace them. That is how my husband and I have raised our five children, and we continue to fight each and every day to educate those who would marginalize anyone else.
 
Always embracing,

 Elizabeth Denham

Response from Mary Brabner (Councilperson from District 5) received 2/23/22 via email:

I have not responded because I don’t know what to say
We will be discussing this further before making a public comment
I also want to hear all sides of the issue and have time to think it through before making a decision
A knee jerk reaction is not what this matter needs
Thank you for reaching out but please give us time to formulate a decision 

Sent from my iPhone

My Response to Ms. Brabner sent 2/23/22
Councilwoman Brabner,

I am concerned that you do not have a formal process for evaluating a challenged book to see if there is a violation of library policy.  I would like to see the policy to understand if there is a process defined in it for this action. In this case, the right thing to do should be very clear. One person's beliefs cannot be forced on another's. The library has a stringent vetting process, and after researching this book, I know it has been academically and peer-reviewed. As a public library, it would be inappropriate to serve only a select group of individuals. Free speech is one of the core values of our country, and to thwart that by censoring and/or banning a book would be an affront to that ideal. 

In addition, prolonging this situation is the only thing that will create more drama and conflict. As a board, you can show a strong backbone if you nip it in the bud by rejecting the challenge and leaving the book on the shelves. 

If there is no defined process by which to evaluate a challenged book, I would be interested in participating in the process of creating one.

There is absolutely no reason to ban this book or in any other way limit it's access.  Do the right thing. What is the deadline to respond to the complaint? And when will you give the public the opportunity to provide public input?

I would appreciate an answer as to why this is being addressed behind closed doors in addition to my other questions in my first email.

Elizabeth Denham

Response from City Attorney David Connor 2/24/22

Dear Mrs. Denham:
 
                                I am writing this e-mail in response to your request for information regarding the Reconsideration of Materials/Programs.  As you know, we have received a request for reconsideration or review of the book entitled “Mr. Watson’s Chickens”, written by Jarrett Dapier.  This item was placed on the Library Board’s agenda for review, and as you correctly noted, the Library Board went into Executive Session for some discussion.  After the Executive Session, based on the limited amount of time available, no action was taken on this matter.  It was determined that we would need additional time to review and discuss this matter publicly, and it was an oversight that we did not make an announcement regarding this matter.  The Library Board has requested that we gather certain information, and the Library Board will hold a special work session and meeting to discuss this matter.  The meeting will be a public meeting, and you are invited to attend. 
 
                                I assure you that the Library Board appreciates the importance of this matter and will engage in a deliberative process in order to make the appropriate decision in this matter.  Thank you for your interest in this matter, and we look forward to seeing you at the meeting.
 
Thank you,
 
David J. Conner
Blackburn & Conner, P.C.
P. O. Box 458
Bay Minette, Alabama  36507
(251) 937-1750

My Response to David Connor 2/24/22
Mr. Connor,

Thank you for your response. When are where will this meeting take place? Also, please forward me a copy of the library policy as it relates to challenged books. When is the deadline to resolve this matter?

Elizabeth Denham

I have not received the library policy regarding book challenges. I have not received any other communications. I have not been made aware of the process moving forward or of a date and time for the work session. 

Again, please send your comments to me at [email protected]. I will post here to update if we get a date and time of a public work session so that others may come to offer input.

Onward and Embracing,
Elizabeth 


​

Compassion in COVID
With a family full of COVID-positivity, I have had a chronic tension head and neckache for going on a week. Tensions are high and uneasiness and fear are at as many levels as people in my family (depending on how you count it, that includes somewhere around 20 people give or take in the immediate family). So how do you find the Gift in the Struggle during COVID? It ain’t easy. But here is where I have landed. With compassion.

Have you ever seen the movie, Father of the Bride? Well, it is one of the family favs. And for good reason. The line Steve Martin utters to one about to marry into the family rings truer than true for us. Steve tells his daughter’s unsuspecting fiancé (or maybe I don’t give him enough credit and he did suspect) that theirs is a family of overreactors, and lucky for him, it gets better with each generation – so maybe his kids will be normal.

We live that truth. Not only that, we, like most families, have varying ages, understandings and levels of health. This makes for a capricious time when you introduce the dreaded COVID virus into the family net. So fishing through what is an overreaction and what is a sensible degree of caution is a fluid and unknowable predicament. So, here is where compassion can be a gift.

I personally am an underreactor during a crisis. Some may argue, but I tend to want to react less to counteract the other extreme. This creates tension amongst the troops. Also, I feel pressure to make others feel comfortable and safe, so I try to make sure my faction of the family is doing what makes others comfortable. This creates tension in the troops. Add to that, I am coming off one of the worst years of my life, and I can react poorly out of frustration that “this is supposed to be my year to overcome and thrive!” “The year of ME: Mastering Elizabeth.” I am clinging to hope on this one…and the potential loss of that hope is crushing.

My parents are in the over 75 set which brings a different perspective. When I try to make sure my group is making them feel safe, it is because I understand that my father has lost at least three law partners/close business associates in the last year to COVID. How can he not be afraid? My parents also recently worked on their will. Facing mortality is about the least fun thing you have to do as you age, and with death all around us, of course, they fall into the fearful category. Who wouldn’t? Compassion.

One of my brothers works with adults with disabilities, both physical and mental. He has been responsible for taking care of those who can’t care for themselves and are at higher risk than the general population. He has had students that he cared for die. Add to that his fairly recent diabetes diagnosis, and he lives at a higher baseline of fear than some. Of course, he does – he feels responsible. Compassion.

The adult children are trying to be safe, educate themselves and make good decisions. They are also at ages where they are averse to parenting, feeling controlled and wanting to be independent. They are also trying to go to school, work and support themselves and find any glimpse of the normal things they should be doing at their ages. The older adults still feel the need to guide, express advice/opinions and feel responsible for both the older and younger ones. Tension. Compassion.

The bottom line is this. It is always a good idea to try to understand people’s experiences as best we can. In a family with more than 20 close people – most of whom are adults – you will rarely find consensus – and in this case, information is everchanging and never-ending. How can we be expected to? All we can do is try to respect each other, support each other and get through it intact.

I have not been perfect. Feelings get hurt. I am tired and stressed and worried about my people. But it is because I care. I think we all do. And I struggle with knowing the right thing to do. Don't we all?

Compassion. It is the Gift in the Struggle of the times we live in.

​Baldwin County schools have seen three major events in the last four months that demonstrated the need for a community conversation about racism, bigotry and homophobia. And after many difficult conversations, we have a commitment from the principal at Spanish Fort High School to work together with parents and students to make a better community for our kids.

The History
In June, we discovered the biased and non-academic reading list and class materials from a long-time teacher.  This received national news coverage and is under investigation. 
In September, a Baldwin County student thought it was a good idea to “put the panic back in Hispanic.” This student held a sign at a football game with those words when her team was playing against the Spanish Fort Toros.  Her community is densely populated with migrant farm workers which only made matters worse.  Once again, national news coverage.

Now, we have another event that highlights the need for a cultural shift in our area.  A local student composed a rap with lyrics that vilify every race and ethnic group and the LGBT community.  He went so far as to call for mass genocide. 

And these are only the episodes that were reported.  These individual moments speak to a much larger problem.  If we, as a community, do not realize the need to address the underlying attitudes that empower oppression, then we will never heal.

The Sprint
Since the first incident, I have asked for the school system to take the lead in this conversation to no avail.  This time, a group of parents are taking the lead to work for change.  The first Saturday after the rap was published, I, and several other parents, met at my house to discuss how we could be a part of the solution.  We had heard that the boy who wrote the rap wanted to apologize, and our kids were not overly interested in his words.   I encouraged them to take a step back and realize that if they refused and shut him down, there was no path to healing.  While I knew that their feelings of pain and frustration are well-founded, I also knew that there had to be a way forward. 
The boy called the kids to apologize, and while everyone recognized that it takes time to change a perspective, they all tried to give him a greater understanding of how his words impacted each of them.

Sunday, my husband and I met with the parents of the boy who wrote the rap.  I know them and their children.  It was a painful, difficult conversation.  It was one that required both sides to show empathy and concern for each other’s children.  It required respect for each of our perspectives.  It was one I did not look forward to, and I am sure they didn’t either.  Thing is, when I reached out to them to invite them over, my biggest fear was that they would not accept.   But they did.  The courage it took for them to face the parents of a child their child had hurt was admirable. 

We discussed how we could work together to help all of our children learn a greater understanding of each other and the world they live in.  How could something like this happen to parents who were doing their best for their child?  Where did things go wrong?  Questions we don’t have all of the answers to, but ones that are important  to ask.  We agreed that we would work together going forward to find a path to healing.

The Marathon
Monday, the group of parents who met on Saturday went to the school to offer some plans to improve the cultural of our school with the hope of expanding it around the county.  We were able to speak with the principal and an assistant superintendent for two hours and come up with a practical list of action items to help move us forward.  They agreed to the following:

• Diversity training for teachers and staff at Spanish Fort High School
• Diversity training for students at Spanish Fort High School
• Implementation of a Diversity Club
• Celebration of Black History Month
• Celebration of Hispanic Culture
• Celebration of Day of Silence for LGBTQ
• Other cultural awareness events

These things may seem like common sense, but they have not been effectively implemented in our school.  The acknowledgement by the principal of the following is a great start toward progress:

• There is a problem
• They are willing to work on improvement
• They have agreed to implementing practical programs to help the community at Spanish Fort High School have better understanding of others

Now comes the responsibility.  I believe that we all have to hold each other accountable.  The school needs to follow through on their commitment.  Parents need to commit to helping in any way they can to supporting this new programming.  Students need to show up. 

I recognize none of these things will solve the problem of ingrained bigotry in our community.  But we can have a start.  And I am all in.  Are you?

The Pledge
I am asking each and every one of you to start out path to healing by supporting a pledge of unity wherever you are.  Please click here to sign a pledge of unity for your community and share on your social media using #takethepledge #unityfor(nameyourcounty)

Mine will say: #takethepledge #unityforBaldwinCounty

​Onward

To read about the struggles of our county, please click here and then sign the pledge in the comments below.

Pledge for Unity
For Students
I pledge to be aware of my words and actions and how they impact others. 
I pledge to be aware that others’ words and actions may come from a place of hurt, anger or fear and try to respond with understanding rather than anger.
I pledge to use my words and actions for good, even in the face of another’s anger.
I pledge to reach out to those who are not like me in order to find understanding.
I pledge to respond to those with whom I disagree with respect.
I pledge to listen to the experiences of others with respect and an open mind.
I pledge to love not hate.
 
For Adults
I pledge to be aware that young people are hearing my words and seeing my actions and to act in a way to positively influence them.
I pledge to be aware of my words and actions and how they impact others, especially youth in my life. 
I pledge to be aware that others’ words and actions may come from a place of hurt, anger or fear and try to respond with understanding rather than anger.
I pledge to use my words and actions for good, even in the face of another’s anger.
I pledge to reach out to those who are not like me in order to find understanding.
I pledge to respond to those with whom I disagree with respect.
I pledge to listen to the experiences of others with respect and an open mind.
I pledge to love not hate.

I am asking each and every one of you to start our path to healing by supporting a pledge of unity wherever you are.  Please write your name in the comments below to sign the pledge.  Share on your social media using #takethepledge #unityfor(nameyourcounty)

​Mine will say: #takethepledge #unityforBaldwinCounty

Onward